If your users are on modern browsers, you can solve this quite easily with postMessage in HTML5. Here’s a quick solution which works well:
The iframe page:
<!DOCTYPE html>
<head>
</head>
<body onload="parent.postMessage(document.body.scrollHeight, 'http://target.domain.com');">
<h3>Got post?</h3>
<p>Lots of stuff here which will be inside the iframe.</p>
</body>
</html>
The parent page which contains the iframe (and would like to know its height):
<script type="text/javascript">
function resizeCrossDomainIframe(id, other_domain) {
var iframe = document.getElementById(id);
window.addEventListener('message', function(event) {
if (event.origin !== other_domain) return; // only accept messages from the specified domain
if (isNaN(event.data)) return; // only accept something which can be parsed as a number
var height = parseInt(event.data) + 32; // add some extra height to avoid scrollbar
iframe.height = height + "px";
}, false);
}
</script>
<iframe src="http://example.com/page_containing_iframe.html" id="my_iframe" onload="resizeCrossDomainIframe('my_iframe', 'http://example.com');">
</iframe>