What is the simplest C# function to parse a JSON string into an object? [closed]

Just use the Json.NET library. It lets you parse Json format strings very easily:

JObject o = JObject.Parse(@"
{
    ""something"":""value"",
    ""jagged"":
    {
        ""someother"":""value2""
    }
}");

string something = (string)o["something"];

Documentation: Parsing JSON Object using JObject.Parse

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