GNU parallel not working at all

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As I was about to complete writing this question, I ran parallel --version to report the version, only to find:

WARNING: YOU ARE USING –tollef. IF THINGS ARE ACTING WEIRD USE –gnu.

It is not clear to me why that flag is set by default. Needless to say, using --gnu worked!

Thought I would post this to save someone hours of frustration and confusion.

EDIT:
To fix this permanently (in Ubuntu at least), delete the --tollef flag in /etc/parallel/config

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